Was it to much to ask?

So another birthday has come and gone. Was it to much to ask that nothing would go wrong? That I would not be sitting here depressed and sad on this my 48th birthday?

It all started last Sunday. In an earlier blog I voiced my thoughts on going home to see my mother on Thanksgiving. Well, that well (or so I thought). I told her how I was diagnosed with Cancer five years ago. How I survived and considered myself stronger for going through it. How I'm helping my sister, who has also been diagnosed with breast cancer.  Well, mom hugged me and said she wished I would have told her so she could have gone through it with me. I had my doubts that she would have been supportive back then. You see, my mother is very self-centered and nothing you've gone through is worse than what she's gone through.

Did i tell her for selfish reasons, because I knew that even though she's gone through a few surgeries, she's never had cancer, and she's never had to sit in a cancer clinic getting chemotherapy, sitting with many other cancer patients going through the same thing, some worse than you. She's never had to go through five weeks of radiation. And she's never gone through five years of taking tomaxifin, a drug that pushes you right into menopause, where you suffer through the worst hot flashes, the thinning of your blood,  the stares of people when sweat is gushing down your face.  At 48 I still shake when I walk into a doctor's office scared of what they are going to say.

But I thought it went well. At least that part did. My husband and I also ended up telling her that we changed churches from a Catholic Churc to an Alliance Church. A church which has given us a new lease on life and has given us many new friends. I knew that part was going to be the worse of the two. But I sure didn't know how much.

I got the dreaded phone call today from my mother. First it was all happy and wishing me a happy birthday. Then she railed into me about the church, and what every child wants to hear from their mother that she is going to hell. Really! I guess I'll join the rest of my family down there when I go because she also believes that some of my nieces and nephews that didn't get married in the Catholic church will be headed in that direction. It got to the point where I actually hung up on her.

Now, I know some people would say how can you hang up on your mother. She is very toxic and she spent five minutes before giving me my verdict talking about my 2nd cousin, who is a hockey player in Ontario and how great he is and how he is destined to be in the NHL. Not once have I heard one good thing said about me or to me. I wish she would just talk about me just once. Just once.

Well, Happy Birthday to me!!! Next year is bound to better. I always hope it is. Maybe one year it will come true.

Now to get through this week. Work. Another obstacle I have to get through.